“You fool! What have you done?” the scientist wailed at the stunned salesman.
“I-I-“, the salesman stuttered, but he couldn’t find the right words, or rather any word, to explain his folly.
The scientist tried to reflect and think, but his temperament was not made for such deep matters. Instead, he said, “What year is this?”
The salesman avoided the scientist’s eyes, and said, “2015, sir.”
“2015!”
“Y-Y-Yes.”
“But that’s 1800 years off the mark! How can you be so foolish so as to be THAT off!”
He tried to calm down, but again his excited temperament prevented him from doing so. “I’m going to sue! Once we get back,--“
The salesman mumbled something.
“What did you say?”
“I said, we can’t get back. Ever. The time machine is broken.” the salesman murmured.
The scientist looked at him with venomous eyes. His face was trying to grow redder than it already was, but it wasn’t working too well. Finally, he burst out angrily.
“Foolish fool! What have you done! Fix the thing right now! Otherwise I will sue ‘The Time-Machine Mart’ for hiring such incompetent fools!”
But the salesman didn’t move. “I can’t fix it. I am a salesman.”
“So?”
“Sir. My job is to just talk and talk. Half the time I don’t even know what I am talking about.”
“You told me that this time-machine model was faster and more reliable than the other models. How did you know that?”
“Oh that. I was just using a pitch I use to describe bread toasters. Nothi--“
The scientist took one of the knobs from the dashboard and threw it at the salesman. The salesman avoided it narrowly.
“Why did you break that away! That was the fuel switch!”
“You fool! That wasn’t the fuel switch! It was the water dispenser switch! You actually don’t know anything about this machine!”
The scientist stepped off the machine, and the salesman followed him gingerly.
“Where do you think you are going, salesman!”
“I’m following you sir.”
“I have no need of fools!”
“Sir, you’ll need me now.”
“No I won’t. Get back and fix that damn time-machine of yours.”
“Trust me sir.”
“I will never trust a salesman again.”
“Sir, this world is a dark and dangerous place. I can protect you from that with my skills. Stop looking at me like that. I know what I’m talking about.”
The scientist mumbled something and continued walking away from the machine. “--- never stops talking.”
Loudly, he said, “Salesman! Where are we right now?
“Sir, we are in the year 2015.”
“I know that already! Location! Which location is this?”
The salesman looked around him. “Looks like a broom and cleaning equipment cupboard. There is a door right ahead.”
They made for the lone door. “What happened in 2015? Anything memorable? Why don’t I know anything about this year?”
The salesman stuttered again, “Sir, I-I-I don’t know my history.”
“You worthless scumbag!” The scientist tried to launch a kick at the salesman, but he could hardly lift his leg above knee level. “Then, what do you know?”
“I know that since we are stuck here forever, we should probably get jobs.”
The scientist patiently thought for as long as his temperament allowed him to. It didn’t allow him too much time.
“That’s a smart move. What skills do you have?”
“Sir, I can...talk.”
“What a worthless skill. Come, I am an esteemed scientist and can build time machines. We should go to a university and apply over there. You can be my lab assistant.”
The scientist and the salesman got out of the room that the time-machine had transported them into.
That brought them into another larger room which had mirrors and wash-basins. The larger room led into other smaller cubicles in one corner.
Otherwise, only one door existed to exit from the place, and at that instant, it opened and a lady walked in.
She stopped and screamed at the duo, “What are you guys doing here?”
The scientist was terrified of the screaming woman. He quickly said, “Salesman, what is she saying!”
The woman continued shouting in colloquial English, and the scientist said again, “Salesman, you said you can talk. Tell me, why is she angry at me!”
“S-Sir. I d-don’t understand wh-what she is s-s-saying.”
The scientist gave him another venomous look. If looks could kill, the salesman would probably be dead by now.
The woman continued, “Why are you shouting at him you old pervert! Yeah you with the labcoat. Leave the poor man alone! And get out of this place! This is the ladies washroom!”
The lady pushed the scientist and the salesman out of the toilet and into a long corridor.
The scientist cursed at the lady in his own tongue, and then said in a matter-of-fact tone, “Salesman, we need to understand what people over here are saying.”
“Agreed sir.”
The scientist stared at the salesman, and the salesman stared back.
The scientist broke the silence, “Why are you staring at me? I told you that we need to understand what people over here are saying.”
“You expect me to come up with something?” The salesman was confounded.
“Of course! You said your skill was talking! Now find me a way to understand this ancient language that people speak. Quick! Quick!”
The salesman thought. He then made a move to go back to the women’s bathroom.
He heard the scientist loudly calling out, “And be careful! That lady was a fierce one.”
The salesman hurried into the now unlocked room with the time machine, plugged out a canister-like device from the machine and hurried outside too the scientist.
“Here,” he said thrusting the canister-like device at the scientist. “As long as we hold this, the language that the other person is speaking will be comprehensible to us.”
“Ah, a @$$*@#E (something in the scientist’s own tongue. You wouldn’t understand). This is what I am talking about. Hey, it works!”
The scientist and the salesman looked surprised, and curious at the same time, as words previously intelligible now became clear and distinct.
“Now it should be easy for us to find a job,” the scientist remarked happily.
They continued down the partially filled corridor. There were doors on both sides, and little windows on the doors.
The scientist suddenly said, “You know, if I didn’t know better, I would swear that we were in a university already. I see other people with labcoats too.”
The salesman jogged ahead of the scientist. At the end of the corridor, there was an open room.
“Sir!” the salesman hurriedly whispered. “Sir, quick! There is some sort of meeting going on over here with your kind of people!”
The scientist hurried as much as he could, which wasn’t much, and peered inside. Sure enough, there were about ten other people with labcoats sitting and listening to one person speak from a podium.
The scientist and the salesman snuck in, and sat down at the back of the room. No one, including the speaker, noticed them enter and take a seat.
“Salesman!” the scientist whispered. “Your stupid @$$*@#E is not working! I don’t understand what they are saying!”
“Sir, you have to hold it properly. Like this.” He turned the canister around.
Suddenly, the words that were being spoken by the speaker, became crystal clear and distinct.
The speaker said, “Let’s get to the topic of time-machines.”
“Sir!” the salesman hurriedly whispered. “He is talking about time machines!”
“I know fool! Silence!”
“--is that time machines are not possible. Let me give you an example then. Just last week, as you all know, I held a party for time-travellers. How did I do that? I carried out the party, and THEN sent out the invites.”
The crowd murmured something intangible.
“The result was what everyone expected. No one showed up! Not one time-traveller! It was me, and me only!
“This leads me to conclude, ladies and gentlemen, that time travel is not only improbable, but it is possibly impossible. I think we should abandon--“
“Are you a fool?”
The speaker stopped speaking, and looked at the person who had made that remark. He was seated at the extreme back of the room.
“I’m sorry sir? Are you talking to me?”
The scientist stared at the speaker. “Of course I’m talking to you! I asked, are you a fool?”
“Sir that is not something I would like to answer.”
“Then why are you spreading wrong ideas in people’s heads?”
“Excuse me? Wrong ideas?”
“Of course!” The scientist’s face was turning red again. “Time travel is possible!”
The speaker looked like he had been punched on the face. “And you have proof, Mr. Modern-Day-Albert-Einstein?”
The scientist took that as a compliment, and continued, “Of course I have proof! I am proof!”
The entire room burst into laughter.
The scientist could hear phrases like “--good one” and “--is hilarious” all around him. Even the speaker was laughing.
“Salesman! Why are these fools laughing? Have I said something that is deemed to be funny in 2015 AD?”
The salesman looked as baffled as the scientist. “I don’t now sir. I guess they just don’t believe you.”
The scientist dragged himself and the salesman along with him, and went onto the stage.
“Silence people. I don’t know why you are laughing, but I am living proof that time travel is possible!”
The laughter didn’t abate.
“Salesman! You are the talker. Convince them that we are telling the truth!”
“How?” he wailed.
“I don’t know!” the scientist retorted.
The salesman thought and thought. He finally began,
“Gentleman. I am going to try to give you proof of our claims.”
The laughter died down, and the group became interested in what the salesman had to say. Even the speaker joined the crowd, and listened attentively.
“Gentleman. We came back in time using a time machine. So let me explain the phenomenon behind building such a machine, and then you can deem if it is correct or not.”
The scientist leaned closer to the salesman’s ear. “Salesman! What are you saying? You don’t know how the machine works!”
“Trust me!” the salesman whispered back.
“So gentleman, as I was saying. The main law that governs the functioning of such a machine, is the ‘Foddor-Hoddor-Skidder-Popper Law of Quantology’--“
Someone from the crowd screamed, “Which law is that?
The salesman seemed unperturbed. “Oh you haven’t discovered it yet. But you will, maybe in a few decades or a century from now. In fact, there is another law--“
“Salesman!” the scientist whispered again. “You are completely duping them!”
The people in the audience had already lost interest in what the salesman had to say. They began talking amongst themselves, and ignored the banter between the scientist and the salesman.
The speaker then said, “Mr.--“ he tried remembering the salesman’s name, but couldn’t place it. Nevertheless, he continued, “This is hogwash. Please leave the stage, and even the building.”
The scientist looked defiant. “Look here, you. I tell you we are from the future. You have to believe us!”
The speaker smiled. “Then why didn’t you come to my party last week? It was for all time-travellers to the past.”
The scientist’s face was turning red again, more than before. “Because your idea is stupid! Why should I come to some stupid party when there are a million events at a million different periods that I can be attending throughout human history, and even before?”
The speaker, and the rest of the group looked livid. They got up from their seats, held the collar of the scientist and the salesman, and ‘kindly’ escorted them out of the room, and out of the building as well.
Once they were alone on the shabby street, the scientist screamed, “Foolish salesman! ‘Foddor-Hoddor-Skidder-Popper Law of Quantology’? Really?”
“It might have worked! Those people didn’t seem to be too smart, believing that time travel was impossible, when proof was staring at them right from under their noses.”
The scientist was not listening anymore. A large group of gaggling people had just passed him and the salesman and was heading towards a nearby auditorium. He said, “Salesman. Let’s follow that group.”
The scientist and the salesman followed the oblivious group, and arrived at the auditorium, where they were greeted by a queue and an usher demanding tickets from the queue members.
“Sir. That little man is asking for something called tickets. The other people are showing him little slips of paper, and he is verifying those papers by tearing them. We need one of those too.”
The scientist was unflustered. “Then arrange it fool. It’s your job to talk, not mine.”
The salesman hurried away, and within ten minutes he was back in the queue, along with a ticket.
The scientist was partially impressed, mostly because he was convinced of the salesman’s incompetence. He asked the salesman, “How did you get the ticket?”
The salesman smiled. “I asked one of the girls,” he said and pointed at one of the girls who was giggling at him. “She gave me her ticket, and is buying herself another one.”
The scientist looked incredulous. “You just asked, and she gave you her ticket?”
“Never mind sir. Never mind.”
“Salesman, maybe you are not so hopeless after all. I think you might actually make a good assistant.”
The scientist was in a good mood after that. They presented the ticket, got it verified, entered the dark hall beyond, and seated themselves in the front row of the hall.
In a few minutes, the lights went off, and a man came on-stage wearing a shiny and gaudy dress. A woman accompanied him, holding a few accessories.
Once all the items were set on stage, the man began the show, by first making the woman disappear from one side of the stage, and making her appear on another side.
The audience laughed and cheered, and the scientist loudly exclaimed, “Salesman! This guy is my type of guy! Look at him. He is indulging in advanced physics of the mighty kind!”
The salesman looked as the man now seemed to be levitating on the stage, without any visible support. “I don’t under--“
“I’m sure he is one of the smartest physicists in this current deplorable era. I need to talk to him!”
The scientist stood up on his feet, and loudly shouted, “Excuse me sir. Sir! SIR!”
The audience quietened down, and even the magician became wary of the scientist. He was too dumbstruck to speak anything.
The scientist continued, unfazed, “Sir. Which equation did you use to achieve the ‘Mythlbro Theory of Vanishing’? I have been wanting to confirm--“
The magician regained finally regained his senses. “The WHAT?”
“The ‘Mythlbro Theory--“
Someone tapped the scientist on the shoulder.
He turned around to face the door usher, and another big man standing beside him. The usher said, “Sir. We need you and your friend to leave this place right now. The audience is vehement about your behaviour.”
The scientist seemed slightly stunned, but continued, “This young man was doing the ‘Mythlbro Theory of Vanishing’ with extreme precision. I wanted to confirm my own equations against his.”
The usher was notably taken aback by the reply, but managed to maintain his temper.
“Sir. This man,” he pointed at the magician, “is a magician. He is NOT a scientist.”
“No. I assure you that he was doing physics of the highest calibre. Everyone was enjoying his theory.”
The usher lost all his cool. “Sir,” he said through barred teeth. “They were laughing at his magic tricks, not at his physics theories! He has no theories! As a matter of fact, he didn’t even pass high school! So he doesn’t know what science is! Only magic!”
The scientist was perplexed. “Magic? What is magic?”
The usher seemed enraged beyond control. He ordered the big man to throw the scientist and the salesman out of the auditorium and into the street.
“You fool! I will use the Mythlbro Theory of Vanishing on you and your entire family! And especially on that big man! Watch out fools! I will come after you some day!” the scientist exclaimed once he had dusted himself up.
“Sir, what do we do now?” the salesman asked.
“Listen salesman. I am convinced that that man was engaging in Physics, at least more so than those fools at the university. We need to become like him. I can do the Physics part, and you can be the assistant, like the woman in there. Then I can make you vanish.”
The salesman gulped. “I hope its safe--“
“Safe? Of course it’s safe fool! I merely need to confirm an equation, but it’s probably right.”
The scientist thought a while. After enough reflection that was allowed by his temperament, he said, “Yes. That is what we will do. What did the little man call it? Magic, and the doer was a magician. Maybe that means advanced physics in this strange tongue. Magic = Advanced Physics. And the people love it. They laugh, and clap, and give him money.”
The scientist fished around in his labcoat pockets, and came up with a scrap of paper. “Here are my equations. Come salesman come. We have work to do. We are going to become magicians!”
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